i can’t believe such harsh things happen in church. maybe i was just too numb—or dumb—to not realize this is logically and unlikely possible. maybe i was also too blind to see the hidden truth or the hidden curse of serving these men of this religion. it is God Himself i worship. it’s just too disappointing and shameful to share my faith with these filthy men (so far i haven’t encountered such church leader—particularly a priest, thankfully.)

we cannot deny that this is an honest, straight forward, and heedfully researched criticism book. i haven’t gone far yet but i was surprised immediately as words of abuses started to appear on the first chapter. that’s how blunt the book is. and yes, at this point i still can’t believe things like: women impregnated by priests, children of priests hidden in refuges disguised as orphanages, and bishops behind political scandals—i cringe to this part because it’s ironic how the constitution points out the separation of the church and the state yet, it’s the church who wins. it’s the church who decides who to impeach. it’s the church who controls people to vote who-knows-who—happen. it’s true maybe Americans were right. they couldn’t leave Philippines and have independent government because Philippines was not yet politically competent. Philippine government rely on church. it’s not the government that gives the church the power. it is the other way around. i don’t know if this still happens, should i be talking in past tense?

anyway, these are what i learned so far—including the sick code of omerta which, in retrospect most Christian Filipinos actually still practice. i’m still not believing this though. but who knows?